the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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