The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
