So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
