She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
