We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
