i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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