So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
