Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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