Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
