that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
