I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
