we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
