So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
