Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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