She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
