her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
