I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
