if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
