if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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