Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
