dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
