um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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