We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
