dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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