I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
