Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
