i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
