At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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