Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
