i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
