Umm I'm too high to move.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
