Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
