I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
