fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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