This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
