I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
