I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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