oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
