I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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