I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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