DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
