Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
