i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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