Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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