Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
