So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
