so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
