so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
