Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
