Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
