i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
